CLARKSVILLE, TN (CLARKSVILLE NOW) – One year, he put conversation hearts on her bed in the shape of a heart, with a ring containing her birthstone in the middle.
Another time, he showed up at her job to sing to her. And he once arranged a romantic bath with tea candles for Valentine’s Day.
James Gardner is no stranger to grand, romantic gestures for his bride, Bettie Gardner, and it’s helped them stay together for the last 52 years.
“We have fun in marriage,” he said.
About the couple
James is a veteran who served 21 years in the Marine Corps. When he got out, he became a pastor and has spent the last 39 years in ministry, currently as the pastor of Gethsemane Full Gospel Church.
Bettie works as a substitute teacher and assists in the ministry.
The couple says they do everything together, including traveling the world. While James was in the military, he was stationed in Japan for three years, and it was a no-brainer for Bettie to come with him.
“I said, ‘I think I’m woman enough to go with him,'” Bettie said. While there, they learned to speak Japanese and learned Japanese customs.
“You’ve got to have that companionship and compassion for one another,” James told Clarksville Now. “If I can’t see my wife throughout the day, something is wrong.”
There were periods when they didn’t have that time together. When James started in the military, they were separated for 18 months. Later, he went on two year-long tours where Bettie could not come with him.
“You’ll learn to miss them. Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” James said.
Marriage takes work
The couple said the basis of their relationship is a strong friendship and commitment to one another.
“It seems that (people) get married today, and if you make me mad, I’m gone tomorrow. You can’t do that,” James said.
In 52 years, the couple has been through their ups and downs.
“It’s got to be a marriage put together by God; they have got to be your soulmate, and you need that because of the things you go through in life,” James said. “You’ve got to learn how to stick together through thick and thin.
“Sometimes you’ve got to know when to be quiet and when to talk. Sometimes you have to leave things alone and go back through it later,” James told Clarksville Now.
Another piece of wisdom the couple gave is to get married for the right reasons.
“You can’t get married on a whim,” James said. “We see a lot of people around here getting married for money, but there is no commitment there.”
“There’s no perfect couple. All of us go through changes,” James said.
Hopeful honeymoon
Bettie said their only regret is that they’ve never had a honeymoon.
“We’ve been married for 52 years and six months and never had a honeymoon,” Bettie said. “For my honeymoon, I want to go to Hawaii.”
With a laugh, James responded, “If the Lord will let me live, I’ll get her a honeymoon.”
James said anyone can have a long-lasting marriage like theirs if they put forth the commitment.
“I believe if people would honor their marriage today and put some effort into it, you too can last 50 years.”