CLARKSVILLE, TN (CLARKSVILLE NOW) – “My house – this is all my son,” Jillian O’Brian-Neves said on a dreary morning in late May.
She gestured to the dark red walls behind her, covered in framed photos of her 17-year-old son, Justin Neves. Photos of Justin scuba-diving, cross-country action shots, posing with friends – moments now past.
In just a few hours, the family would attend their son’s graduation from Northwest High School. Except their son wouldn’t be walking across the stage. Instead, there would be candles lit for him and a moment of silence observed.
Justin was killed April 10, 2020, when he was shot in the head by a longtime family friend in what police said was an accident.
The Neves family is just one of many who have lost loved ones to gun violence in Clarksville. In the aftermath, family members have asked themselves and others tough questions about justice for violence and the laws surrounding guns. They’ve also struggled with depression, anger and grief over what might have been.
A year later
Luis Neves, Justin’s father, returned to Clarksville to attend his son’s graduation ceremony. He now lives in central Maine with his wife Sabrina and 7-year-old twin daughters.
He has never sat down for an interview about Justin.
“Are you still angry?” Jillian asked her ex-husband about what happened to Justin.
“I’m still angry. I’m still pissed off, upset, angry – all of the words,” Luis said with an almost shameful tone. “He had so much potential, and it was taken away so quickly.”
The family, separated by both distance and the COVID-19 pandemic, have been forced to grieve apart. This process has looked different for both parents.
“I’m still – and I tell him all the time – I’m still angry at him because he didn’t have to do the court stuff,” Jillian told Clarksville Now.
She turned to Luis.
“And I know it’s not your fault and that it’s expensive to come down here, but I’m still bitter about it, because I had to sit in court and see (the shooter) every single time. And I had to essentially go through this by myself, whereas he has a wife and kids at home that he can rely on and depend on when he’s having a bad day.
“When I’m having a bad day, I sit in bed. I don’t get up,” she continued.
New perspectives
As a veteran who has been around guns his whole life, Luis said Justin’s death has challenged his perspective.
“I believe that whoever handles a gun should know what they’re doing,” Luis said. “They should know safety, safety, safety.”
What happened to his son has forced him to take a closer look at not just guns, but the laws and regulations surrounding them.
“I didn’t really pay attention to gun laws before Justin passed. Now, I’m kind of digging into it a little bit, and now I know that something’s not right here,” Luis said.
“It’s really bad,” Jillian said in retort. “How is it possible for Tennessee to have these laws? You don’t even have to have a permit to get a gun now, and you don’t have to have a permit to have a concealed weapon.”
Luis was unaware of the new law in Tennessee, and he was taken aback.
“You wonder now why I wanted to leave Clarksville,” Jillian said, adding that she’s staying only for family.
“Gun violence doesn’t just hurt the persons involved, it hurts the community around. We had over 150 people at the balloon release because we couldn’t have a funeral for (Justin) due to COVID.”
Struggling in the aftermath
As she tried to recount what happened the night a police officer told her Justin died, Jillian said her memory is limited. However, she does remember a moment of deep sadness after telling her brother that his nephew was dead.
“My world revolved around (Justin). Everything that I had done for 17 years was to ensure that he had a place and had a future,” Jillian said. “My therapist said my memories would eventually start to come back. I’m not sure how I feel about that.”
Both Luis and Jillian have sought therapy after what happened, but for Luis living in remote Maine, it’s harder. The nearest VA facility with mental health resources is over 30 minutes away.
Jillian and Luis’ daughter, 15-year-old Makayla, struggles now with agoraphobia as a result of what happened, but she’s getting help.
“I don’t like leaving my house. My house is my safe zone,” Makayla told Clarksville Now. “I hate going places. I deal with depression on a day-to-day basis. I can’t leave, this is my comfort zone, so when I go out my hypervigilance is up.”
Makayla just finished her freshman year at Northwest High – the same school Justin attended, and she went to his senior prom in his place.
One of the hardest things about losing Justin was reconciling the loss of his future too.
“Justin had a full ride scholarship to Vincennes University in Indiana, he was supposed to go work on a construction site during the summer of 2020 with his godmother,” Jillian said with tears forming. “He had so many plans for the future, and one reckless night took everything from him.”
She looked down and gathered herself.
“If I had kept him home that night, and said, ‘No, you can’t go over there,’ what would have happened?”
Part 1 in a series on gun violence in Clarksville.