If you have an aging parent, you may have noticed that things may have started to seem different. The person you’ve known and loved for years may be experiencing changes in mood, dietary habits, or sleep patterns. You may be noticing physical changes such as changes in skin complexion or in the amount of body hair. Your parent naturally desires independence, even as there may be a need for more supervision. You may have noticed that your parent’s interests are changing, and the once good relationship you had is now occasionally marked by arguments or outbursts. “Who is this person I thought I once knew?” you might be asking. If this sounds familiar, it might be time for “The Talk”.

Those of us who experienced ‘the talk’ as adolescents, remember it as a little (or a lot) uncomfortable but informative. Ultimately we were grateful that someone cared enough to let us in on what we could expect as we grew and changed. Those of us who didn’t experience ‘the talk’ were left to fumble our way through puberty, guess at what was ‘normal’, and seek advice from the wrong sources at times.

As people live longer we are moving away from thinking of aging as a bad thing and are instead redefining it as a normal human developmental stage, the same way we think of other normal developmental stages such as the terrible twos, puberty, or mid-life. We realize that later in the aging process there are expected changes that happen with brain chemistry and the body. The nature and timing of these changes will be a little different for everyone. One thing we know for certain however: We all age, and ultimately we will all hit our final normal developmental milestone: the dying process. (This is the part of the talk that starts to get a little (or a lot) uncomfortable!!)

Some of the challenges families face during the later stages of life have to do with physical or cognitive changes as they relate to medical care: Seeing doctors, taking pills, going to the hospital or a rehab center, receiving home health services, receiving serious or life-limiting diagnoses. Because these topics are uncomfortable, families don’t always speak openly about changes they are seeing or experiencing, leaving them to fumble their way through the aging process guessing at what to do, sometimes following poor advice, and at times experiencing serious avoidable consequences. (Sound familiar?)

Since healthcare decisions are such a large part of the experience of aging, it is important to think about and discuss what types of treatments and interventions make sense depending on one’s circumstance. It’s important to think about one’s values and healthcare goals, and what steps need to be taken or avoided to meet those goals. It’s easy to avoid these discussions because we are uncomfortable with the experience of aging and what it ultimately means. But just like puberty, these changes happen whether we are comfortable discussing them or not. Getting past our discomfort and talking about changes that are taking place is one of the best things we can do to avoid a crisis, or successfully navigate it, should one arise. Just like when we were teens, even though we squirmed and cringed during ‘the talk’, we felt better for having information, and we were grateful in the knowledge that someone cared enough to let us in on what we could expect.

Thankfully as our population ages, the importance of advanced care planning is receiving more attention and there are resources available to help people navigate these conversations. One such resource is The Conversation Project. At the Conversation Project website, one can find a toolkit to use to prepare for and start a conversation with loved ones about wishes for medical treatment, or lack thereof as we age or become ill. Completing this toolkit can help structure a discussion with your physician or Advanced Care Planner.

Goals of Care Geriatric & Palliative Medicine is a medical clinic in Clarksville that specializes in Medical Advanced Care Planning. Their entire clinical and office staff has years of experience helping patients and families navigate these difficult conversations and situations. They understand this topic can be scary and they will help make you and your family feel comfortable and empowered. Most people report feeling relieved after completing an Advanced Care Plan.

Goals of Care is located at 787 Weatherly Drive, Suite 300, Clarksville, TN. They accept Medicare and most insurance. You do not need to be a patient of Goals of Care to have your Advanced Care Plan (ACP) completed there. They have the expertise and time to spend in helping you complete an ACP that you can then take to your physician or healthcare provider to discuss.

(931) 444-5494 for appointments
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