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Sleigh bells and holiday cheer are often drowned by the carol of Christmas visitation controversy. Sharing a child in the holidays is not easy. Most divorced parents pass the season with at least a minor disagreement. For some parents, the message of peace on earth is completely lost. It often complicates the matter when many parents do not realize that they themselves are a Grinch. How do you make the twelve days of Christmas a little less tense?
First, make a clear parenting plan. This step happens at your divorce or when you first get a custody order for unmarried parents. A parenting plan should usually provide a clear schedule for the kids’ Christmas/Winter vacation. Even if you are on friendly terms at the creation of your plan, you may be at odds two years down the road. Most parenting plans split the holiday half and half, rotating each year so that each parent gets Christmas Day every other year. With an agreed parenting plan, you can be more creative if you wish.
Of course, if your plan is unclear or if your ex is openly violating the plan, you will need to take other measures. Keep in mind that December is the most difficult month for accomplishing family law legal action. Judges often take vacations or time off, limiting court dates. Other parents in your same position are numerous and are crowding the dockets. Attorneys are winding up the year and looking to their own families. If you can anticipate a problem, let your attorney know in advance to see if action can be taken.
The most common corrective action is a contempt action. Parents sometimes forget that a parenting plan, even an agreed parenting plan, is a court order. Willfully violating the order is contempt of court. Of course, by the time the order is violated, it is often too late, plane tickets went unused, and stockings hang forlornly unopened. Contempt may at least deter future holidays from being ruined. Repeated violations of the parenting plan may also be grounds for a modification of custody.
Some stress is inevitable, but nobody wants a court summons under their tree. No child wants a Scrooge parent. Call a Christmas truce. Only fight at this time as a last resort. Give your ex a gift of peace, and they will often return the gesture.
By Daniel P. Bryant, Attorney at Law
Daniel P. Bryant is an attorney in the Clarksville offices DIVORCE INCORPORATED, Tennessee’s Family Law Firm. His primary areas of practice are divorce, family and juvenile law litigation. Attorney Bryant may be contacted at 931-896-2400 or dbryant@divorceincorp.com.