CLARKSVILLE, TN (CLARKSVILLE NOW) – Claudia Fowler is 17, about to graduate high school, has a thriving relationship with her family, and has made new friends in the past year.
Those are things she never thought she’d experience three years ago when she attempted suicide at age 14.
“There wasn’t a big reason for why I was sad,” Claudia said. “I think a lot of it had to do with school, a lot of pressure from everyone and everything. But I think it’s mostly just the fact that I have depression.”
As part of Suicide Awareness Month and to help others who may be in the same situation, Clarksville Now spoke with people who attempted suicide and survived. Their stories share a common theme: They’re all glad to be here.
‘I just never imagined being past this point’
Claudia told Clarksville Now that over time, the little things had piled up and suddenly she was dealing with a mountain of feelings.
“It wasn’t anything big that should have led to that point, but it did,” she said.
Claudia has been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. “People mistake depression just as a feeling instead of a mental health issue.”
Her family was supportive in making sure she got the help she needed. They got her on medication, and she sees a therapist whom she loves.
“Honestly, I just never imagined being past this point at that time, and now that I’m past that point, I love the idea of growing up and going to college and achieving my dreams, and I’m thankful for life,” Claudia said.
“Going to a therapist was probably one of the best ideas (my parents) had for me. I thought I was going to hate it, but I love therapy.”
Claudia encourages people who are struggling to find a good support group. “Maybe it’s not your family, maybe it’s a friend, maybe it’s a neighbor, but if you at least find one person that you can really rely on, it would make a whole world of difference.”
‘Nobody even knew I was going through that’
Latisha Kumi, 21, just spent the summer at the beach, a year and a half after a suicide attempt.
She also said all of the little things piled up, including past traumas, being a college student, and not having enough time for herself.
“I just didn’t realize that I was really worth anything,” Kumi said. “I was like, What do I have to lose and what did (people) have to lose by losing me?”
But at the last minute, she felt scared and stopped herself. She realized that she didn’t want to die – she just didn’t want to continue feeling the way she was feeling.
“Nobody even knew that I was going through that or that I actually attempted, so it was a wake-up call for me when that happened.”
Since then, Kumi said she enjoys journaling as an outlet. She hopes to publish a book of poetry one day, and she will graduate from college soon with a bachelor’s in social work.
“If I really would have not been able to make it through that time, I wouldn’t be able to be that positive influence on other people or be able to look forward to my graduation now. It just makes me very grateful and thankful that I’m alive.”
Turning trauma into something positive
Six years ago, living with uncertainty due to various illnesses and an amputated foot as a result of surgery, Jonathan Miller, now 35, was lying in his bed unable to do much for himself. He felt he could no longer continue living.
“That low point of feeling like I can’t be self-sufficient or I can’t do what I want to do when I want to do it,” he said, led to his attempt. His younger brother came home from work at just the right time. If he hadn’t, Miller said, “I wouldn’t be here today.”
Miller went to a mental healthcare facility to seek help. In the past six years since his attempt, he has done a lot for himself and others as director of Meae Wellness in Clarksville, but it doesn’t mean some days aren’t hard.
“I have multiple health conditions that make it very difficult for me to plan the next day, the next week. I wake up in the morning and I don’t know if I’m going to be in the hospital in the next hour or two hours.”
Miller said he’s had to learn to rely on others, especially in times when he has to face the hard truth that he is not OK. He keeps going for his son, and for the work he does with his nonprofit.
“Hearing from clients and people I talk to about how my existence has helped them – that is a big reward, because without me still being here and turning all of that turmoil and trauma into something positive, those hearts might not have been touched.”
If you or someone you know is at risk for suicide, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Calls are free, confidential and answered 24/7. Or you can refer to our suicide awareness resource list to find a better solution for you.